"Möbiuse asotsiaal" (2012)
Miks jalutan öösel nõnda nukralt?
Kui elu kokku jooksnud ja mööda Möbiuse riba liigub, tuleb teelt välja astuda et ennast kõrvalt uurida.
Esmalt on vaja endale tunnistada, et on olnud liiga raske oma egost lahti öelda, olemata sealjuures egoistlik.
Tunnistan julgelt, et olen teinud vigu. Olin teadlik neist siis, kui nad juhtusid, ent lasin ikkagi asjadel niimoodi minna. Sellest olenemata ei mõista ma, miks nendest konksuga kinni peaks hakkama. Ka mina olen ju inimene! Vist?
Miks küll peetakse mind siiski egoistiks? Ma lihtsalt olen asotsiaalne kuju, see on mu valik, kuid mitte mu kirg.
Ma ei taha selline olla, kuid ometigi Sa lepid mu valikutega. Ma saan aru, et elu on minu enda otsuste teha, kuid miks Sa lased mul kannatada? Miks Sa ei viruta mulle reaalsusega näkku? Miks Sa vaatad pealt, kui ma kannatan? Kui ma petan iseennast? Valetan endale otse näkku?
Ehk ma ei väärigi seda, et Sa mind tagasi ellu raputaks. Ma pean üksi lahti rabelema. Ma pean iseseisvalt edasi sammuma.
Nii mööda Tartu pimedaid tänavaid sel valgel ööl..
ma üksinda oma samme sean..
Kui elu kokku jooksnud ja mööda Möbiuse riba liigub, tuleb teelt välja astuda et ennast kõrvalt uurida.
Esmalt on vaja endale tunnistada, et on olnud liiga raske oma egost lahti öelda, olemata sealjuures egoistlik.
Tunnistan julgelt, et olen teinud vigu. Olin teadlik neist siis, kui nad juhtusid, ent lasin ikkagi asjadel niimoodi minna. Sellest olenemata ei mõista ma, miks nendest konksuga kinni peaks hakkama. Ka mina olen ju inimene! Vist?
Miks küll peetakse mind siiski egoistiks? Ma lihtsalt olen asotsiaalne kuju, see on mu valik, kuid mitte mu kirg.
Ma ei taha selline olla, kuid ometigi Sa lepid mu valikutega. Ma saan aru, et elu on minu enda otsuste teha, kuid miks Sa lased mul kannatada? Miks Sa ei viruta mulle reaalsusega näkku? Miks Sa vaatad pealt, kui ma kannatan? Kui ma petan iseennast? Valetan endale otse näkku?
Ehk ma ei väärigi seda, et Sa mind tagasi ellu raputaks. Ma pean üksi lahti rabelema. Ma pean iseseisvalt edasi sammuma.
Nii mööda Tartu pimedaid tänavaid sel valgel ööl..
ma üksinda oma samme sean..
"Your very own bubble" (2010)
Like a common species' member you should feel comfortable in this environment around you.
So natural to you, as if you were swimming side by side with others like you every single day, every single hour, every single minute, only mere seconds savored for your own thoughts.
Yet, they probably have the same goals, same dreams, same faults. Then why not follow?
It's quite sure they have the same direction, but you feel as if you were swimming against the current.
How much longer can you resist?
How much ..... longer?
Until the air coming out of your mouth, using it as a shield, Your Own Bubble, finally runs out, while the lies you're telling are becoming more and more nonexistent? They are barely there. You know you cannot lie. Especially not to yourself...
And yet, here you are, still in your bubble, unable to explore beyond, into the dark uncertainty.
This doesn't come as news to you, it's just the way things are: you're a member of the never-separating pack.
You swim amongst them, but you're not with them.
When shall your air run out? Oh.. when?
So natural to you, as if you were swimming side by side with others like you every single day, every single hour, every single minute, only mere seconds savored for your own thoughts.
Yet, they probably have the same goals, same dreams, same faults. Then why not follow?
It's quite sure they have the same direction, but you feel as if you were swimming against the current.
How much longer can you resist?
How much ..... longer?
Until the air coming out of your mouth, using it as a shield, Your Own Bubble, finally runs out, while the lies you're telling are becoming more and more nonexistent? They are barely there. You know you cannot lie. Especially not to yourself...
And yet, here you are, still in your bubble, unable to explore beyond, into the dark uncertainty.
This doesn't come as news to you, it's just the way things are: you're a member of the never-separating pack.
You swim amongst them, but you're not with them.
When shall your air run out? Oh.. when?
Paranoid R O B O T O I D (2010)
What would this thing be? Be it a mechanical autonomous flying spying bot sent here to spy on me by the Programmers or be it a simple living creature? But no, this couldn't be possible.. There are no real humans nor other creatures left in this world.. They vanished long time ago.. There are only us remaining, us, robots, androids, robotoids, living our perfect lives, going to work every day or night to earn our oil, fuel and exchangeable parts, never tired, never bored, never sick, yet never happy. In fact, we have no emotions, right? Was this doubting that my programs calculated just now? Why am I questioning my own existence if my presence is already fixed by the Programmers?
They have entered my whole life-cycle I must follow or mustn't I? Couldn't I determine my own destiny? Wait, why should I doubt the Programmers? They know, what they are doing, don't they? But this delicate thing.. This of no logical trajectory, of no comprehensible purpose, it seems to be out of reach of the Programmers.. Free to go anywhere, anytime with no determinable program.. Could I be as disengaged as this beauty I register?
Please delete my programs and let me write my own..
They have entered my whole life-cycle I must follow or mustn't I? Couldn't I determine my own destiny? Wait, why should I doubt the Programmers? They know, what they are doing, don't they? But this delicate thing.. This of no logical trajectory, of no comprehensible purpose, it seems to be out of reach of the Programmers.. Free to go anywhere, anytime with no determinable program.. Could I be as disengaged as this beauty I register?
Please delete my programs and let me write my own..